santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   If you're genuinely surprised about Kim Kardashian getting divorced, I need to tell you something about Santa Claus...

   Even though it looks as though JB cheated on me & may be someone's baby daddy, I'm still going to wear his scent and listen to his new Christmas album...while rocking myself back and forth in the corner of a vacant room w/ nothing but a bottle of Grey G

   Pro-tip: Turn your dishwasher into a snowplow this christmas by giving her a shovel.

   Hah! Got my inflatable Santa Jesus up before you this year, Henderson. SUCK IT, CHRISTMAS LOSER!!!

   Dear parents: Oh really? I'm a liar? What about the tooth fairy, the Easter Bunny, and Santa Claus? Sincerely, your child.

   midgets who are actors and actresses must love the Xmas season. every movie or commercial that remotely deals with Santa has at least 2000 of em'

   Here comes the 2010 Christmas post all over again ...

   If you leave out Weight Watchers cookies I will burn your house down. - SANTA

   Well, obviously we have a Santa in the North Pole. He's climbin' down yo chimney, droppin' yo' presents off Bringin' cheer so ya'll need to hang the stockings, deck the halls, and leave some cookies cuz he's visiting errrybody out there.

   Good girls get presents, Naughty girls get money. - by Order of SANTA CLAUS.

   Why I love winter: 1. Christmas morning with my kids 2. Snow 3. My wife keeps her clothes on during sex. 4. Liquor in my car stays cold

   I don't deliver to Trailer Parks. If your house is on wheels, you must have done something wrong. - SANTA CLAUS

   All I want for Xmas is........... Red Solo Cup! I fill you up! Lets have a party!!!

   It would be really convenient if Christmas decorations grew on trees.

   If your parents ever call you a liar, just say "Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny and Santa". Then walk away like a BOSS!

   So I hear Sandusky's Santa application has been rejected...

   Every time a Christmas tree is lit before Thanksgiving, an elf drowns a baby reindeer.

   You may be pushing Christmas a little too much if you take your candle out of your Jack-O-Lantern and stick it in your Window!!...Just Sayin..

   Someone could get rich opening a business that untangles Christmas lights. Grrr....

   thankful that I have a job and can afford a nice Thanksgiving dinner and Christmas...and beer