nfl OR football OR superbowl Funny Status Messages

   Everytime Kayne is caught smiling he has to be a cheerleader at a college football game!

   Let's cuddle, eat junk food and watch football.

   Date a girl who watches football with you and lets you grab her ass during commercials.

   Hey girls,the best time to give a blowjob is when there's a football game on TV. It sounds like 50,000 people are cheering for you.

   An SEC football season without Steve Spurrier? Isn't that sort of like a Prom without acne?

   "You want proof that baseball players are smarter than football players? How often do you see a baseball team penalized for too many men on the field?" ~Jim Bouton

   Son: Dad, what's a hypocrite?.... Me: It's when an idiot wants to change the name of a football team while putting Aunt Jemima syrup on waffles.

   Tonight's Jets/Bills football uniforms resemble my Starbucks cup.

   Out on the highway, getting passed by a Prius is the football equivalent of getting tackled by the kicker.

   If only fans of celebrities, football, rock concerts etc would get as excited about racism, injustice, poverty, illegal wårs..man would be live in a better place

   Commercials: Now brought to you with limited football interruption.

   The refs in the NFL are throwing a ridiculous amount of flags these days. Pro football is now metaphorically considerd "flag football."

   All these smiling Alabama football fans you would think Today is Toothless people appreciation day in Alabama

   Superbowl: Rock Out With Your Guac Out!!!

   Superbowl Party Eating Tip: Your pants won't get too tight if you don't wear any.

   I think a man with a helmet defending his country should make more money than a man with a helmet defending a football.

   I have a great idea for improving Coldplay concerts. Stop the show halfway through and feature a 15 minute football game.

   Reasons Why Guys Stop Texting Girls: 1) He's Busy. 2) You didn't send nudes. 3) He has beer and football. 4) It's only been a day, calm down psycho.

   I now hold it in my hands. Finally. The expressed written consent of the National Football League.

   The day a black NFL player gets shot by a cop, ruining Paul Ryan's fantasy football team, will be the day the GOP addresses police brutality.