santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   I'm going to make Christmas cookies with dog bone cookie cutters & see if anyone eats them this year!!!

   received a drinking game for Christmas from the woman that used to be my therapist. She told me once I had a drinking problem… Job Security maybe?

   When I was a child, I remember lying with my eyes closed waiting for Santa to come. ....Then there was the awkward silence as he got dressed and left.

   loves how Christmas movies capture the holidays in a way everyone typically experiences. In two hours: greedy men become charitable; enemies settle their differences; women fall in love with the unattractive nerd; and an angel get its wings.

   just passed a holiday cocaine drug bust. It looks like some people are gonna be denied a white Christmas this year.

   Chevy Chase has been getting that Christmas tree for over 20 years. You'ld think he would finally remember a saw.

   It kind of sucks living in Detroit this Christmas. The economy has hit us so hard, I heard Haiti was organizing a fund raiser for us

   Oh, I'm gettin' nuttin' for Christmas, Mommy and Daddy are mad. I'm getting nuttin' for Christmas 'Cause I ain't been nuttin' but bad

   starting to think that Santa's just not that into me...

   just got my Xmas wishlist back from Santa with a little note attached... It said "LMAO! HELL NO!!!!

   Dear Santa, Don't listen to any of my Facebook friends. I have been a perfect angel, I swear.

   No matter how old you are, an empty Christmas wrapping paper tube is still a light saber.

   Just once I would like to begin my Christmas shopping before December 24th

   tried to mail you something cute for christmas but the postoffice took the stamp off my butt and asked me to leave...

   One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Please send me a sister." Santa Clause wrote him back, "Ok, send me your mother."

   I think the grammatically correct way to describe my current Christmas disposition would have to be "present tense".

   Don't worry about what you eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas. Worry about what you eat between Christmas and Thanksgiving

   it's nearing the festive season again and so just a reminder that a doggy is not just for christmas, it's a great position all year round!

   If letting him bang me while I wear reindeer antlers and a painted red nose doesn't get him in the Christmas spirit nothing will!

   I wanna take a wiffle ball bat into malls during Christmas shopping for those idiots that just stop suddenly in the middle of the walking area. That humming thump noise while I crack it across the back of their heads would bring joy to my holiday season