life Funny Status Messages

   No matter what life hands you. Don't put it in a fanny pack.

   the L in salmon is ruining my life

   Scratching off a lotto ticket before you leave the store is a good way of letting people know that your life isn't going according to plan...

   Yesterday I had to screw in a light bulb . Later, I crossed a road and walked into a bar. My life is a joke...

   I dreamt I had a sh*tty life. I woke up and I have sh*tty life. So dreams do come true, kids.

   Well done, you are popular on Social Media. Sorry about the rest of your life.

   Life sucks, But sometimes you get to have sex, And sometimes you get to drink beer.

   When you think your life couldn't be any more pathetic, remember some people have more than 1 Facebook account.

   Sometimes I walk up to a plant and exhale carbon dioxide all over it. Did I save its life? Maybe. Am I a hero? That's for history to decide.

   If my life had a soundtrack it would be the sound of a rusty gate slowly closing and then falling off its hinges onto a bunch of ugly cats...

   There's a 95% chance that you'll go through your whole life without ever knowing the next line to "Blinded By The Light."

   My life coach threw a chair at me.

   I'm the life of the party after I pass out.

   Saturdays hold the distinction of being the day of the week that has the least amount of facebook activity. It's good to know that many folks still have a life 1/7 of the time.

   My life coach is the cashier at the liquor store.

   You know I don't care about losing some people that don't wanna be in my life anymore, I lost people that meant the WORLD to me and I am still doing just fine.

   Living life with the safety off.

   My life would be so much easier if I wasn’t intelligent enough to realize how freaking stupid some people are.

   My biggest regret in life is missing you..., When I backed up

   Girls who are obsessed with celebrities need to get a life