life Funny Status Messages

   Life is short. Tell the people you care about that you love the them. But tell them in German because life is also scary and confusing...

   In some countries, DEATH is nature’s way of limiting presidential terms in office. You wanted to be a president for life, and now your wish is granted Mr Chavez.

   if you go through life with your head in the sand all people will see is an ass!

   I've had pizza boxes stay in my life longer than some women.

   Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, get wasted all the time and have the time of your life!

   Sometimes life seems so Popeless.

   Enjoy the little things in life, because one day, you’ll look back and realize that they were actually big things.

   When I’m about to die and my life flashes before my eyes I’m worried that a lot of it will just be Facebook and TV.

   You know your life is disappointing when you wake up and your first thought is, "Crap, still here."

   I hate when people pour my cereal. They don't know how much I want! They don't know my life! They don't know what I've been through!!!

   Life is like a box of chocolates, it doesn't last long for fat people

   Lets be honest. Half of life is messing up and half is frantically trying to fix it.

   After mating, the female praying mantis kills and eats the male. I guess she figured it's easier to get life insurance instead of fighting for child support from him later.

   I have never prayed so hard in my life that the new Pope that walks out onto that balcony is Dennis Rodman.

   After mating, a female Praying Mantis kills & eats the male. Guess she knows it's easier to claim life insurance rather than child support.

   Treat your woman like you treat your smartphone: touch her often, stare at her, and make her the most important thing in your life.

   If you’re depressed and hate your life just remember you’re not alone. We all hate your life too.

   Here's to a long life and a merry one. A quick death and an easy one. A pretty girl and an honest one. A cold beer and another one. #Happy St. Pattys Day

   Life just handed me Lemon Pledge, I guess it wants me to dust.

   Today is going so slowly my life is flashing before other people's eyes.