life Funny Status Messages

   In the popularity contest that is Facebook, I'm currently in 609,264,326th place, slightly higher than in real life. Win!

   I find it a little insulting when I do a facebook search for an old friend, and I get a message stating, "Sorry. There's no account set up for this person who obviously has a life."

   All my life I thought air was free, until I bought a bag of Lay's potato chips.

   Video games ARE to blame for the amount of violence in society. I'm not even comfortable talking about the amount of real life turtles I've jumped on.

   Thought for the day: An HMV gift card is not just for Christmas.... it's for life...

   Don't worry about being alone on Valentine's Day. Worry about being alone the rest of your life.

   Not all mushrooms give you an extra life.

   It's true. Girls just want to have fun. And ruin your life in the process.

   The only thing I want negative in my life is pregnancy tests.

   If I don't make some serious changes to my life, they'll never let me into the gates of heaven. So who can teach me how to pick a lock?

   We now have cable TV shows entitled, "Cooking With Honey Boo Boo". My life is clearly over..........

   If I had known life was going to be a test I would have cheated more.

   I have been repeating the same mistakes in life for so long now I may as well call them traditions

   Being strong-willed does NOT mean I am a b itch. It means I am in control of my life, stick to what I believe in and do NOT rely on anyone but myself.

   Life was easier and simpler when I was apart of the Sheepeople herd.

   The word "Saturday" has "turd" in it. Good luck trying to ignore that for the rest of ur life, starting now.

   Don't pay Facebook $2 to 'promote' your latest status. Simply send me half that amount, and I'll repeat it to all my friends in real life. For an extra 50c, I'll throw in a funny face when I say it.

   I haven't been this bored since Everlast told me his life story.

   Sometimes all you need in life is some really good sex.

   Some girls put more effort into naming their Facebook photo albums than I put into my life.