life Funny Status Messages

   Sunglasses: Allowing you to stare at people without getting caught. It's like Facebook in real life.

   Seems Taylor Swift is dating a Kennedy. Let's hope she owns a life jacket. :-/

   Carpe Scrotum (grab life by the balls)

   One of the most important things I've learned in life is to have at least one person with whom you never need to explain yourself.

   Coffee isn't a matter of life or death; it's a lot more important than that.

   Failing a suicide attempt makes you a failure at both life and death.

   Weirdos seem to be drawn to me and if I let my guard down for just a moment, I get stuck with some idiot telling me their life story.

   I'm at a point in my life where I'm just at a point in my life. Something I would say if I was drunk in a bar called ''Point in My Life.''

   "Your Only Fools and Horses addiction is ruining my life," shouted my wife, "I want you out of this house right now!""Ok," I replied, "I'll fetch the suitcase from the van."

   Remember,,, The worst things in life are free, too

   I hope I never die in a bar cause if someone calls a priest, a rabbi or a minister my life is gonna end up as one big joke.

   Get off goddamn Internet, go out & live your life! I'll be here when you get back. :)

   It's the rule of the life - the prettier the girl - the messier car; kinda a turn on.

   Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark in the hopeless swamps of the not quite, the not yet, and the not at all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish in lonely frustration for the life you deserved and have never been able to reach.

   To those who've been to hell & back, screwed by life, broke their hearts, yet still managed to keep a smile on... ...My utmost respect.

   Life got 4 steps. 1: you belive in santa. 2: you don't belive in santa. 3: you are santa. 4: you look like santa

   does Life feels heavy and the days are not really what you want? The solution is to look at life as a male dog. if it can not be eaten or fu#ked, so piss on it and move on ...

   I should at some point in my life learn to cook for one..I only know how to cook for ten or more..spaghetti anyone?

   Relationships are like drugs. They either kill you or give you the best feeling of your life.

   The beauty of life is that Vodka looks like water.....and water bottles are allowed at work.