Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I wonder how many fries are eaten every year between the drive thru window and the parking lot exit.

   Update on my diet....its December and so far this year I've lost 12 months!! I would like to thank the website I found that allows me to purchase Cadbury mini eggs year round!!

   "Oh, the weather outside..... is the weather......"

   Why hasn't Sears made a riding vacuum cleaner?

   I know alcohol is never the answer, but it's always my best guess.

   wants to point out that real men don't sparkle.

   likes the Hide button so much that he is now working on one for the laundry.

   says change your birthday on facebook to todays date, and see how many of your "friends" are totally clueless

   Oooooooo the Patron.....yesterday my friend, today my enemy...

   Unbeknownst to most theologians, there were actually four wise men. But he was turned away for bringing a fruit cake..

   Given enough coffee, I believe I could rule the world.

   It's so cold I actually saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets...

   ADHD. It's like ADD except the picture quality is phenomenal.

   If you have an album in your facebook photo page, titled...WeDdInG pHoToS!!!! You my have been too young to marry.

   .♫♪♫..it's beginning to cost a lot like Christmas...♫♪♫

   Go to Google Translating tool. From English to French, translate "Take a Dirty Picture for me." Then Copy and Paste back into the box the French words and Translate from French to English.

   I was drinking at the bar, so I took a bus home. That may not be a big deal to you, but I've never driven a bus before.

   Dear Scissors, I feel your pain... No one wants to run with me either. Sincerely, Sarah Palin.

   Thank goodness for these new profiles... without them, I might never have known that so many of my friends speak english.

   Why doesn't Homeland Security call the new "If You See Something, Say Something" campaign, "The National Tattle-Tell Campaign"?