Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   So you wonder why I never seem to get any sleep. Well I never go to bed angry. I stay up and plot my revenge. So ask yourself something, do I hate alot of people or is one person really going to get it. Now your wondering if its you.

   Honestly can people quit falling for these Facebook scams and virus's all this 'view her commit suicide' or links to other random crap like 'view whos seen ur profile' - just dont click on it! Their all bugs so avoid at all costs! Dont let curiosity kill

   Elton John is said to be writting a tribute song for Bin Laden's Death - SANDALS IN THE BIN

   Let's play a game. Let's pretend we're in love. lets text each other all the time, just for the fun. Whoever falls in love first, loses.

   Why is that the world is always going to end on a weekend? Why not Monday morning, ideally before I have to get up and go to work?

   Here's how I know I'm smarter than a 5th grader... I didn't have to go to school today.

   Earthquakes, The number 1 cause of all Facebook updates.

   You know you're fat when you run out of breath eating.

   Being friends means you can pick on each other and joke around. If you take offense then get off my wall!!

   Posting a pic of how bad the roads are while you're driving sort of makes the situation worse don't ya think?

   I walked into a party last night and someone yelled, "dibbs!"

   you know what the trouble about real life is? There's no danger music

   makeup can make you look pretty on the outside, but it doesn't help if you're ugly on the inside. Unless you eat the makeup.

   There is no good way to tell your spouse you want to go on "Wife Swap".

   Fashion tip of the day: If your thighs stop moving 30 seconds after you do, say NO to spandex.

   Sometimes those people you think are acting dumb are in fact not acting at all.

   Okay people, if you are driving a small car, and are not towing a trailer or driving a semi; you have no business coming into the left lane to negotiate a right turn

   Women are Angels. And when someone breaks our wings, we continue to fly . . . on a broomstick. We're flexible that way.

   thinks Toyota should change its motto from "Moving Forward" to "MOVE OUT OF THE WAY!"

   they always say there are more fish in the sea, they seem to forget about the crabs