Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Girl finds her prince, the bad guy gets killed, like we're living in a fairy tale this last week...

   Got bored today so I dressed up in tan pants and a blue shirt then went into Best Buy and quit.

   I'm glad people don't talk the way they spell, text, or type.

   ...remember when we were YOUNG and couldn't wait to grow up? ...WOW, what the hell were we thinking!?!?"

   If Facebook shutdown people would be in tears, shoving pictures of themselves in other people's faces yelling "DO YOU LIKE THIS?! DO YOU?!"

   Some people repeat themselves when they're drunk & some people repeat themselves when they're drunk.

   You ever go to sleep late afternoon and wake up after dark....and you don't know what damn day it is?

   In hell, you have to find the start to scotch tape over and over

   That was insensitive. I asked you to stop being stupid without considering how incredibly difficult that must be for you.

   Holy Crap!! I was sitting there wondering why no one was posting and thought I was the only one left... Its All Good.. I accidently logged into my MySpace account.. That was a close one!

   When your ex asks if you can still be friends right after a break up it's the same thing as having a kidnapper tell you to keep in touch.

   If you are wearing Uggz with cargo shorts, you need to get your life together!!!!!!

   I̶'̶m̶ ̶w̶i̶t̶h̶ ̶s̶t̶u̶p̶i̶d̶!̶ I'm not with stupid anymore

   I know God doesn't make mistakes but I question some of the places he put hair on the human body.

   Yield signs should just be a picture of a dude shrugging his shoulders.

   In Los Angeles they don't throw out their garbage. They make it into television shows.

   Don't dwell on your past, disappointments, or failures, you can't trip on something behind you.

   Russian and Ukrainian troops in Crimea are involved in a tense stand-off. The latest reports are that France has already surrendered....

   It's racial profiling when a waiter in a Chinese restaurant gives me a fork.

   Sorry I can't go out tonight, I can't find anyone to cover my Facebook shift.