Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 590 of 6385
There's a homeless man at the ATM asking for money....... Well played homeless man......... well played
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05-15-2010 15:47
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The US Supreme Court has ruled that you have the right under the First Amendment to protest military funerals..... I invite you to start your protest in my front yard and we can see if your first amendment is better than my Second Amendment!
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03-09-2011 21:29
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Writing a poem to my wife. What rhymes with threesome?
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08-03-2011 21:42
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Word of advice. If your wife or girlfriend ever asks "hypothetically speaking, if I was to arrange a threesome for your birthday, which of my friends would you pick to join in?" Never give two names......ever.
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03-05-2012 13:08
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Ladies, the next time a guy has the courage to talk to you, remember he's not wearing makeup. Also, remember what you look like without it.
trying to decide - laundry today or naked tomorrow?
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01-21-2010 20:59
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Tip to reduce weight: first turn your head to the left and then turn it to the right, repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.
How long does it usually take for a Happy Meal to start working?.... It's been an hour,,,,
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09-07-2012 21:47 by snotty
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I don't care if you are gay or straight, I will do my best to talk you out of getting married equally.
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03-27-2013 18:28
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My doctor said I should drink more wine. Well, he actually said "less beer", but I'm pretty sure I know what he meant...
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08-28-2013 13:01 by Tina
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A thief broke into my house last night searching for 'Money' .... So I woke up and started searching with him
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09-09-2012 22:11 by BEGO
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A Brunette, A Blonde and a Man with Dandruff walk out of an Elevator, The Brunette says to the Blonde "Someone need's to give that guy some Head & Shoulders!" the Blonde asks "How do you give Shoulders?"
Don't spend $2 to dry-clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They'll clean it, put it on a hanger. Next morning buy it back for 50 cents.
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04-20-2010 11:01
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69 is the Kamikaze of oral sex. "If I'm going down, you're coming with me!"
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05-01-2010 14:30 by Joser
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Few people know this but Cinco de Mayo is actually about a ship full of mayonnaise that sank off the coast of Mexico.
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05-01-2010 22:30 by Mike M
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How awesome would it would have been if David Blaine had somehow been the first one brought up out of the mine.
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10-13-2010 00:37 by jdpower
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the Pope is in America with Obama and Hillary Clinton. if they don't walk into a bar, it's all for nothing!
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09-24-2015 14:44 by MWC
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dont know who this lady ISIS is but she must be one crazy B ****
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11-19-2015 10:19
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ever look at your old pillow without its case? Looks like a civil war bandage. Do our heads ooze syrup when we sleep?
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08-11-2011 01:37 by flinnie
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..... Just heard that the Etch-a-Sketch art museum in DC was a total loss ...
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08-24-2011 11:38
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