Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon When I try to get the picture taken of me and my friends all nicely facing the camera, one person always blinks, another looks like a stroke victim and a third looks like she was just goosed. Come on girls, figure it out - smile and hold the pose.
←Rate | 08-20-2010 09:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon 10% of people genuinely care about your problems. The other 90% are glad that you've got them.
←Rate | 10-30-2010 17:12 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whenever I Google something, I get so distracted by the absurd things others have Googled that I rarely get my answer.
←Rate | 11-08-2010 12:21 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon At my house, it is customary for you to go back to yours as soon as possible.
←Rate | 12-07-2010 22:35 by @Jimboleem Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have been hit hard with the "Your kids will turn out just like you" curse!
←Rate | 12-08-2010 15:11 by Heather25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you're dyslexic then this numbers game is not for you!
←Rate | 12-08-2010 20:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
←Rate | 11-15-2009 22:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon in case of a fire do not use the elevator use water
←Rate | 08-27-2010 11:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon There is always one person at the card table who has to be told it is their turn.
←Rate | 09-17-2010 18:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you want to be a leader with a large following, just obey the speed limit on a winding, two-lane road.
←Rate | 09-24-2010 13:46 by badd status Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
←Rate | 10-19-2010 02:02 by PL Comments (0)  


   messageicon beginning to think that this whole "being an adult" thing is not as fun as I had envisioned as a child, except for the alcohol part.
←Rate | 01-07-2011 07:03 by Esoteric Comments (0)  


   messageicon "AGAIN?!" - Me, every morning.
←Rate | 01-15-2011 03:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think my upstairs neighbors are shouting about who can stomp the loudest.
←Rate | 05-21-2010 17:45 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Disinfecting my kitchen right now with the glass of vodka and Red Bull that I just spilled all over the countertop.
←Rate | 05-25-2010 18:22 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wish the rest of me was as tan as my left arm
←Rate | 05-26-2010 15:04 by Vito Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's funny how the people who know the least about you, always have the most to say.
←Rate | 04-04-2011 22:58 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you're talking behind my back, you're in a good position to kiss my a$$!!
←Rate | 05-01-2011 17:59 by CJ Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm gonna show up for work with a skip on my step, ans a huge smile on my face. USA! USA! USA!
←Rate | 05-02-2011 00:38 by Magnus Comments (0)  


   messageicon Bachelors degree made possible by adderall
←Rate | 05-17-2011 16:31 Comments (0)  




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