Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 538 of 6452

When I try to get the picture taken of me and my friends all nicely facing the camera, one person always blinks, another looks like a stroke victim and a third looks like she was just goosed. Come on girls, figure it out - smile and hold the pose.
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08-20-2010 09:24
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10% of people genuinely care about your problems. The other 90% are glad that you've got them.

Whenever I Google something, I get so distracted by the absurd things others have Googled that I rarely get my answer.

At my house, it is customary for you to go back to yours as soon as possible.

I have been hit hard with the "Your kids will turn out just like you" curse!
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12-08-2010 15:11 by Heather25
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If you're dyslexic then this numbers game is not for you!
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12-08-2010 20:12
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If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
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11-15-2009 22:06
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in case of a fire do not use the elevator use water
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08-27-2010 11:40
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There is always one person at the card table who has to be told it is their turn.
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09-17-2010 18:51
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If you want to be a leader with a large following, just obey the speed limit on a winding, two-lane road.

Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
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10-19-2010 02:02 by PL
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beginning to think that this whole "being an adult" thing is not as fun as I had envisioned as a child, except for the alcohol part.
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01-07-2011 07:03 by Esoteric
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"AGAIN?!" - Me, every morning.
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01-15-2011 03:53
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I think my upstairs neighbors are shouting about who can stomp the loudest.
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05-21-2010 17:45 by Joser
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Disinfecting my kitchen right now with the glass of vodka and Red Bull that I just spilled all over the countertop.
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05-25-2010 18:22 by Joser
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I wish the rest of me was as tan as my left arm
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05-26-2010 15:04 by Vito
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It's funny how the people who know the least about you, always have the most to say.

If you're talking behind my back, you're in a good position to kiss my a$$!!
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05-01-2011 17:59 by CJ
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I'm gonna show up for work with a skip on my step, ans a huge smile on my face. USA! USA! USA!
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05-02-2011 00:38 by Magnus
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Bachelors degree made possible by adderall
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05-17-2011 16:31
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