Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 526 of 6452

So, which one of you is going to be the subject of your local news' annual turkey fryer accident story?
←Rate |
11-28-2013 02:03 by Huck
Comments (0)

My insomnia has narcolepsy...
←Rate |
10-31-2010 20:58 by flinter
Comments (0)

learned something today: when a homeless man is blocking an entire stairwell, vigorously fiddling with his crotch, it is in everyone's best interest that he simply be left alone.

To the guy in the stall next to me who's "attempting" to sit down...what's with all the TP? Are you a germaphobe or are you trying to build a freaking NEST?!
←Rate |
11-02-2010 10:54
Comments (0)

the font smaller, or am I on acid??
←Rate |
11-03-2010 22:56 by MikeM
Comments (0)

Why do paper towel dispensers in public restrooms give you just enough to keep your hands slightly damp?
←Rate |
11-09-2010 13:57
Comments (0)

Look, if we get caught, just act like we don't speak English. Ok?
←Rate |
12-03-2010 09:06
Comments (0)

In a meeting: "Let me reiterate what was just said" can be translated to "I have nothing productive to add but I like the sound of my own voice and think I'm important so I think I need to waste 5 more minutes of all your days"
←Rate |
12-08-2010 11:27 by Stragen
Comments (0)

Wants to find something else for my dryer to eat besides one of every sock.
←Rate |
06-29-2010 03:11 by Corey C
Comments (0)

ya ever notcie that the most comfortable one can be in bed is always one minute before you have to get up?
←Rate |
07-09-2010 16:23 by Yaj
Comments (0)

If you're starting a sentence with "not to sound like a b*tch," guess what you're going to sound like...
←Rate |
07-30-2010 14:54
Comments (0)

Just left the bar. Did you guys know you can leave while you're still able to walk?!
←Rate |
08-09-2010 17:19
Comments (0)

Watching the food channel when you're hungry is like watching porn.
←Rate |
08-17-2010 12:47
Comments (1)

Facebook saved me from a terrifying keeping-my-thoughts-to-myself addiction.
←Rate |
08-19-2010 16:24
Comments (0)

When a GPS says "Estimated Arrival Time." I see "Time to Beat."
←Rate |
08-19-2010 16:34
Comments (0)

Girls just wanna have fun? Yeah right, just try and not get her a Christmas present and see where that gets ya.
←Rate |
12-17-2010 20:35
Comments (0)

Dear Zuckerberg: Please create a "Drama Queen" button = Like = Unlike = Drama Queen = Comment
←Rate |
01-11-2011 13:50 by Charlie
Comments (0)

gonna make a bundle in zodiac tattoo removal!!!!
←Rate |
01-15-2011 04:27
Comments (1)

sick of reality television show...If I wanted a dose of reality, I'd look out of my freakin window. -_-
←Rate |
01-16-2011 20:09
Comments (0)

If winning isn't everything why do they keep score?
←Rate |
01-25-2011 16:22 by Dopey420
Comments (0)