Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 518 of 6385
just kicked out of the local paintball fight and the police were called.....Apparently knifing somebody to save ammo is not allowed.
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12-02-2010 11:31 by fredus
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doesn't consider them as one night stands, they're auditions.
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12-02-2010 11:33 by freya
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sits and wonders....if I was a bird, who would I crap on first...
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12-08-2010 14:46
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Whoever said laughter is the best medicine never had gonorrhea
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10-29-2009 18:15
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there may not be an "I" in team but there's an "M" and "E"
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11-01-2009 19:16
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Today's comment intentionally left blank.
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11-22-2009 09:47
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Booty texts are much better than booty calls. You can send several out at a time and increase your chances!
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08-27-2010 21:36
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I think the world would be way cooler if we would have domesticated the bear instead the horse. Oh you pranced around, jumped a stick and ate some hay? Big deal, my bear just ate a hobo, paw'd a bee hive then roared so hard deaf people heard it.
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09-04-2010 18:19
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I'm still impressed with the dogs ability to play it cool about having eight nipples.
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09-10-2010 13:26
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I sure am glad they give me a lead vest when they're giving me x-rays at the dentist. It gives the impression those rays must be dangerous. I'd hate to have something bad happen to my chest while I'm having dangerous x-rays shot into my head.
Don't get me wrong, I totally hear what you're saying, I just don't give a d*mn.
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10-09-2010 20:28 by Heather25
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Please irritate me. I would LOVE to see how badly it ends for you. ;)
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10-10-2010 18:59 by Heather25
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No one can be exactly like me. Even I have trouble doing it.
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10-20-2010 09:10 by Aaron
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I love your approach. Now let's see about your departure.
thinks cocaine is a good way of telling you that you make too much money.
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03-08-2010 20:07 by The FRED
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hates it when people say "plan in advance" or "plan ahead". Just say "plan"! Obviously its developed in advance and before, thats what a plan is!
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01-25-2011 20:18
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The ONLY reason I haven't unfriended you yet is because you have huge boobs and I have a feeling that I would miss seeing them.
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03-09-2012 19:37 by bfinest
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When someone says "everything happens for a reason" I'd like to smack them and say "yeah, I guess you're right"
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03-21-2012 07:15
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A co-worker has stopped acknowledging me in the hallway. Please tell me what I did to make you want to ignore me, so I can do it to others.
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03-22-2012 23:09
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I stay up late every night and realize it was a bad idea every morning.
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03-29-2012 13:41
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