Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 418 of 6384
May the blessings of the new year pass me by and find someone less fortunate. My life is not perfect but I have no reason to complain. I am lucky to have what I have.
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12-31-2010 09:32
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At work today, my self-conscious colleague was getting paranoid about her weight, "I am so fat! Look at me, I am the definition of obesity!" she cried. I replied: "Don't be daft, come, grab two chairs and we'll talk about it."
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01-06-2011 10:28 by @clarkysj
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What a lovely shade of slut you are wearing today.
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07-16-2011 06:34 by Mudda
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"I before E, except after C." Disproved by science.
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04-10-2011 19:46 by Aaron
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Singing passionately in the shower: Pretty good idea. Dancing passionately in the shower: Not so much.
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03-09-2011 09:27 by scottyp
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The moment someone tells you that you're not good enough is the moment you know you're better than them.
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03-09-2011 15:13
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the best way to get out of a text conversation: "The message could not be delivered. Please try again later. Error 226110."
And on the 21st Day of May... God said.. Hahahahahhahah!
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05-21-2011 10:12
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Hey Harold Camping, we all make mistakes. It's not the end of the world...
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05-22-2011 02:06 by @QPid901
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A recent study found the average golfer walks about 900 miles a year. Another study found golfers drink on average 22 gallons of alcohol a year. That means, on average, golfers get about 41 miles to the gallon. Almost makes you feel like a hybrid.
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05-22-2011 17:13
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That feeling when your ex reappears as a single mother with a child, and you immediately start doing the math.
I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars & trucks team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong brothers and sisters!
Apparently dyslexia is not a good excuse for driving 53 in a 35.
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06-13-2011 11:13 by J. BIAZA
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I felt special… until I saw you talk to every other guy like that.
I judge you by what's behind you in your photos.
im about this close from being that far away..
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08-13-2011 19:31
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the rejection you feel when the automatic doors dont open for you..
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08-19-2011 12:53
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Try something spontaneous today. Like combustion.
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02-05-2011 14:39 by Aaron
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If you have kids, your life is kids. If you don't, your life is going out to eat and buying electronics.
I've been to the dentist several times so I know the drill
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07-07-2011 16:46 by Aaron
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