Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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FLOWERS: $50....DINNER: $75....HOTEL: $199....the look on his face when she tells him, "I'm on my period": PRICELESS. 
IDK why everyone is sad about Whitney Houston dying; you didn't know her personally. You only knew her musically & musically she died in '93
But officer, I wasn't texting while driving! I was updating my status!
All women want is to have a relationship with an intelligent man. The only problem is, intelligent men don’t get into relationships.
♪ ♫ "Oh come all ye looters Joyful and on welfare Come ye oh come ye to Ferguson."
"That's what." -She
Should I be more grossed out that I found my friends vibrator in her kitchen or by the amount of cat hair that was on it?
"Everyone’s middle name should be, motherfu%kin ...try it doesnt it sound so great"
| ( • )( • ) | Spongebob / ( • )( • ) \ Patrick ( (•)(•) ) Squidward | (•) | Plankton |•||•| Mr. Krabs
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else......
found out that if you play a Justin Beiber album backwards, you hear satanic messages. What's even worse is, if you play it forward, you hear Justin Bieber...
is it just me or does anybody else miss the days when music on the radio sounded good, made sense, and actually required talent to make?????
Just learned how to cut and paste! Just learned how to cut and paste! Just learned how to cut and paste!
It's nice when someone can reply to your sarcasm with sarcasm instead of just getting offended.
feeling a little off today, anyone want to turn me on?
The police sent me a photo of my car speeding. So I sent them a picture of my cheque.
Every time a bird poops on my car, I eat a plate of scrambled eggs on my patio just to show them what I'm capable of !!!
trying to remember what we all used to do before facebook was invented
works hard because millions on welfare depend on me!
finds all the RIP's for a drug addicted Amy Winehouse and none for the 92 innocent people killed in Norway yesterday rather ironic..... 