Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I wish the media and politicians would stop jumping to delusions.

   You mellennials and your obsession with public healthcare, back in my day we just died!

   HA she didn't have "intent to obstruct?"...When ordered to hand over ALL e-mails SHE deleted thousands of work emails, lied under oath saying she did handed over ALL e-mails, LIED when saying none were classified Then FBI states thy found HUNDREDS of them

   41% of Trump voters say Hillary is the devil. While the other 59% say she's just a demon in a pantsuit.

   Hell nah I’m not clicking on page two of any article online. It’s online. Your stupid story should fit one webpage however long it is.

   If you are surprised that Facebook may be selling your data then you are the reason hairdryers come with the warning, "Do not use in shower"

   TAMPAX has announced that they will be taking the string off tampons and replacing it with tinsel ....... This is for the Christmas period only!

   Jack & Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. However, for less than a dollar a day you can help us dig a well in their village so that those poor children won't have to climb that hill daily.

   I'm giving up abbreviations for Lent. Laugh Out Loud

   Rep. Maxine Waters refused to attend Trump's address to the joint session of Congress Instead she stayed home to work on a bill addressing the Russian invasion of Korea.

   I don't see why everybody wants a white iPhone. Everyone knows the black one runs faster.

   Skinny girls think their chubby, chubby girls think their fat, fat girls think their obese and obese girls think their supermodels

   Shouldn't the fortune in every fortune cookie be "You are about to eat a stale cookie?"

   Dear Drama Queens who cry ab not every status being hillarious.. Isnt that the point? You scroll through all the crappy ones, kill a little time in ur day then BAM got one!!! Sorry we cant just hand you everything in life.

   Way to go Ferguson...Burning down the same grocery stores where you use your foodstamps to shop. Talk about shooting yourself in the foot. Real justice losers!. Real justice

   A teacher in a detriot kindergarden class asked the kids what sound does a pig make? Little Tyrone stood up and yelled FREEZE MUTHAF**KA

   My secret fantasy is to have two women at the same time, one cooking and one cleaning.

   Please, Lord, let me prove that winning the lottery won't spoil me...

   thinks Facebook keeps trying REALLY hard to connect me with people I'm desperately trying to avoid.

   what's the closest thing to a womans period? Your salary! It comes once a month, lasts about 4-5 days anf if it doesn't come... it means you're screwed!!