Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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has just realised that I've been walking round the office with my flies un-done - that would now explain the 38 female friend requests then 
Two chinese people had an albino baby last week. Turns out two Wongs do make a white.
At my last job, I mixed concrete with a pitchfork.. Under job title on this application should I put ,,Mortar forker?
Please FB, if not permanently, then at least on April Fool's Day...when people poke me, make the button give a sudden loud buzz and frighten the crap out of them :)..x
I'm 16 weeks and I'm craving for a facebook game for Men to Confuse the Ladies!!!!
Dear REALLY Cool Car Owner, Seems your car felt the need to take 2 parking spots today…I read once that this is caused by a lack of social skills, so that is why I dinged it up a bit, and left this message via key…just trying to help it ‘fit in'â€
Experts say FREQUENT sex can reduce the chances of men developing prostate cancer. Ladies do your part in the fight against cancer.
"Police! OPEN the damn Door" "Not with that attitude, Mister."
Adam and Eve had an ideal relationship. He didn't have to hear about all the men Eve could have married, and she didn't have to hear about how well Adam's mother cooked.
Just once in my life I'd like to see a liars pants actually catch on damn fire...
Offering a hobo $5 from across the street is my version of Frogger.
Joggers always give each other a little nod when they pass, just like fat guys in a buffet line.
The early bird needs to shut up.
Just phished Forest Gump's Facebook password, it's: 1Forest1
Aaron Hernandez is going to jail as a Tight End and will leave jail as a Wide Receiver
When a newscaster says; "I am live at the scene with a person who witnessed the accident," what they really mean is; "Check out this douchetard we found at the scene of this crash."
Just bought my " I survived black history month" T-shirt
Doggy style, because sometimes you both just like the same tv show.
Right before I left the house my wife asked me if I filled out my organ donor information and now I'm hesitant to start the car.
Apparently the NFL replacement Refs now work as tape-delay guys at Fox News.... 