Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
Flirting is dangerous business. One wrong move and you're committed. 
I've been struggling with my laziness. I can't decide if I should sit down and do nothing or lie down and do nothing.
I don't understand why so many of you are unhappy. They sell vodka where you are, don't they?
Did you knOw that if your awake for more than 72 hours you can get away with killing someone by pleading insanity. I'm on hour 56 I'll let you know tomorrow how things go.
against recycling because it makes me look like a huge alcoholic to my garbage man.
there are plenty of fish in the sea, ya just gotta wiggle your worm!
I watch so many crime shows on Tv, that when I turn off the Tv set, I wipe my fingerprints 0ff the remote.
Do you know if you add ur birthdate to ur age then multiply it by ur weight then divide it by ur height, then add 12345, then take the square root of that number and add it to Pi & then multiply that times zero....u will know exactly how much I give a sh!
In order to PREVENT SPAM, I ask that you DONT CLICK THE FRIGGIN LINK YOU BONEHEADED TWAT !
the dance floor is a priviledge not a right
"Porn stash" sounds too seedy. I prefer to call it my "Guybrary."
Dear construction worker: After 637 washes, your orange shirt is no longer classified as "high visibility".
I just don't think this wiener thing is going to stand up in court.
Accidentally watched a few minutes of The Bachelor and now I can't remember a single state capitol.
Nowadays, Father's Day is a good day to thank Dad for not running away from home.
my method of Resistance Training is just NOT working out!
In the past, when you were angry with someone, you fought them. Now you just defriend them on Facebook.
Oh you want me to "make time" for you? Well, if I could "make time" I wouldn't be wasting that skill on you.
Driving home late, uncomfortable, cold, music blaring: About to fall asleep. Finally home, comfortable, quiet, in bed: Wide awake and posting on facebook.
Love: Nature's way of tricking people into reproducing 