Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   can't believe no-one has come up with a cure for anorexia yet. Surely it must be a piece of cake...

   Dear Ghetto Mom...no one is going to hire your chils named Shaniquillla

   why kiss....when you can tell her lips a secret.

   because of tanning beds 1000 years from now archeologists will think we used to fry people as punishment

   It's so hot in MY town, gangs are doing drive-bys with squirt guns!

   I say let them burn ferguson to the ground and watch them cry tomorrow cause they don't have anywhere to spend their foodstamps.

   Gonna try out my new drinking game tonight... 1. Turn on the news. 2. Take a drink every time the word FERGUSON is said!!!

   If TuPac and Biggie were still alive Kanye would be folding t-shirts at The Gap right now

   Putting ketchup on steak should also affect your credit score.

   People think that in Africa we ride lions and elephants to work. That's ridiculous, we don't have jobs.

   Kids Say The Darndest Things: Such as "This Puddin' Pop tastes like roofies"

   Just got 30 minutes of cardio trying to pick up an ice cube from the kitchen floor.

   NFL has hired their first female referee... She will throw flags and not tell you what you did. "You know what you did"

   The inventor of the condom died today. Attendees of the funeral described it as "safe, but less enjoyable than other funerals."

   4 out of 5 densits agree that shooting a lion is bad for the long term health of your business.

   -Monday -Tuesday -Wednesday -Thursday -Blink -Monday.

   Do You Really expect everybody to believe your "in a relationship" with someone who doesn't have facebook? Your fooling no one..

   Broken guitar for sale - no strings attached.

   How did the blond get lipstick on her steering wheel? She tried to blow the horn.

   thinks spell check is for the week