Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I have just finished my thesis: "Pyrotechnics Lead to prosthetics". Keep all your digits safe! Happy 4th!!

   Talk is Cheap because the supply has always exceeded the demand.

   I'm picturing you naked right now. Airbrushed, Photoshopped and digitally enhanced, but totally naked...

   Did you say photographic memory or pornographic memory? I have one of those.

   friend request you on facebook?? woah, slow down we just met. tell me about yourself...oh, you're in the mafia AND you're a farmer? check please.

   You know what's horrible? Accidentally seen your parents "doing it". I will NEVER go to THAT website again!

   You know what would make this Vodka & cranberry better? The Bahamas.

   Got carded for a box of Nicorette. I guess they don't want you to quit using tobacco until you're over 18...

   Hearing your legs creaking as you get into the standing split pose in yoga class is a sure way of telling people that you havent been laid in a while

   This could be the best day ever... but it isn't. Again

   not feeling himself today............ anyone else wanna try!!! :-)

   refuses to "lather, rinse, repeat". Seriously... how dirty do they think my hair gets?!?

   Today my heart will do all my thinking. It gets free reign to walk barefoot in the grass.

   I'm the author of my life.Unfortunately I'm writing in pen so I can't erase my mistakes

   Please don't ever change! I always want to be better than you.

   I think this day just took a hard right onto WTF blvd...

   I try to live every day as though it were my last, and who wants to do laundry on the last day they're alive?

   I saw a sign that said END ROAD WORK. I find it annoying too, but I don't think I would protest against it.

   Irony is people complaining about Facebook's privacy settings when every other update is about their weekly visit to their gynecologist.

   Too many people spend money they haven't earned, to buy things they don't want, to impress people they don't like. WHY?