Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 586 of 6385
My gf says I never listen to her (or something like that)
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04-24-2010 12:44 by Joser
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Target is nothing more than Walmart in a tuxedo t-shirt.
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05-10-2010 13:56 by Joser
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Light switches that flip up for off should be banned
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05-14-2010 18:59 by Joser
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believes that if politicians don't have to pay their taxes, we shouldn't either
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05-16-2010 21:55 by pulaski
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Cyber sex is not as easy as it sounds. I should have picked a less crowded Starbucks.
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05-18-2010 16:59 by Joser
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The new version of Pac-Man is so awesome, it comes with a search engine built into it
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05-23-2010 12:44 by l33t
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Finds that the best place to pick up women is at the Immigration Office.
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06-08-2010 23:13 by Tracy
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partying isnt wasting money. its investing in good memories! :D
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09-07-2010 14:12
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My friend told me not to say anything about her new boyfriends lazy eye, so I made sure to give numerous compliments on his normal one.
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01-25-2013 16:18 by Reznor
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if I live to be over 100 I'm gonna tell people something crazy of how I've lived to be that old like I ate a pine cone everyday or something like that.
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11-21-2012 22:00
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I've come to a life altering decision. I'm giving up the guitar, and gonna to learn to play that thing in the Ricola commercials.
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12-09-2012 21:41 by Boo Hiss!
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Your liver is the only organ that can regenerate itself. I believe that calls for a drink… Cheers!
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02-16-2013 15:04
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My wife said we should try some role reversal in bed last night… So I said I had a headache.
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02-22-2013 21:52
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I'm hungry, but I'm not 'cook something' hungry.
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02-25-2013 23:46
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The trick to farting in an elevator is wearing a suit. No one ever suspects the guy in the suit.
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03-01-2013 00:57 by Baddie
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Apparently typos only become visible to the human eye AFTER you hit send.
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03-24-2013 10:59
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I haven't lost all of my marbles but there is definitely a hole in the bag.
I’m sorry pornsite but I’m just trying to masturbate and not get involved in stuff like online casino games, thanks.
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08-11-2013 14:32
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Given the places I've had my tongue, no we cannot "just be friends".
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08-16-2013 14:01
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You're born looking like your parents, but you'll die looking like your decisions.
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08-20-2013 14:08 by Danmanz
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