Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 582 of 6385
No matter what you do in life, Dont EVER! let the Kirby Vacuum Salesman into your house!!!
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11-18-2011 00:09
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Ever notice the fine print on car commercials? In big print it's "Starting at $18,995", and in fine print "As shown, $420,000"
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11-21-2011 19:28
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..Hey,,, Did you hear about the cannibal that passed his neighbor in the woods?
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11-24-2011 07:41 by snotty
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I'm smiling on the outside because I have a rainbow of pills on the inside.
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12-02-2011 14:05 by ff1241
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Whenever I see someone running in normal clothes, I immediately assume something is wrong.
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12-06-2011 21:09 by BEGO
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It must have been very awkward for the guy who invented the tampon when he had to explain his invention to everyone else.
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12-14-2011 07:13 by Czovczov
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And now stepping into the on- deck cirle, Lindsay Lohan.
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02-11-2012 22:56
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Who Is Paul McCartney? You see kids, before PC's & Auto-tune, there were these mythical creatures who could sing/play/write songs themselves!
Hey toilette paper manufactures, you think you can make the last six sheets a courtesy red? Thanks
That terrifying moment when your cat walks into the room, stares at something you can't see and runs away in a panic.
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02-29-2012 08:49 by K-Mac
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When I sing with my headphones in I think, Why don't I have a record deal? Then I take them off and I know why.
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10-14-2011 22:39
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The only solution to a problem is to find the source and Kill it.
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10-15-2011 13:36
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that embarrassing moment; when you're yelling at someone, and you mess up a word.
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10-20-2011 12:20
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Who the hell is Kim Kardashian and why should I care?
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11-01-2011 06:58
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Auctioneers are proof white guys could rap if they tried hard enough.
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11-01-2011 16:22 by SEAN
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My thoughts should be ashamed of themselves.
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11-02-2011 13:45
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The reason I don't play Scrabble online, is that I can't throw the tiles at the person who beats me.
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11-11-2011 07:39 by Mick F
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Our dog actually figured out how to work the can opener... I'm not worried tho, because he still can't read & just keeps opening up creamed corn.
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04-20-2012 15:21 by snotty
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If you want to cry use a tissue; not your Facebook status. !!
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04-23-2012 12:34
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Your duty as a best friend is to LIKE my Facebook posts even if they suck
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05-07-2012 21:23 by BEGO
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