Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 526 of 6385
Warranty – A notice telling the buyer when the product that was just purchased will no longer function.
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10-28-2014 05:34
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I don't want an Amazon Echo because I don't need another thing in my house that talks back to me...
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02-10-2016 14:36 by eengrms
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Being an adult is basically that feeling when the fireworks are over and it's time to go home, but all the time.
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04-02-2016 01:54
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Memorial Day Tip: This year, throw veggie burgers on the grill and next year, someone else will host the cookout.
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05-21-2016 12:07 by Fazzella
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I parallel parked today without turning down the radio....
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05-30-2016 23:48
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Girls just wanna have fun? Yeah right, just try and not get her a Christmas present and see where that gets ya.
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12-17-2010 20:35
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Dear Zuckerberg: Please create a "Drama Queen" button = Like = Unlike = Drama Queen = Comment
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01-11-2011 13:50 by Charlie
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gonna make a bundle in zodiac tattoo removal!!!!
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01-15-2011 04:27
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sick of reality television show...If I wanted a dose of reality, I'd look out of my freakin window. -_-
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01-16-2011 20:09
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If winning isn't everything why do they keep score?
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01-25-2011 16:22 by Dopey420
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My insomnia has narcolepsy...
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10-31-2010 20:58 by flinter
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learned something today: when a homeless man is blocking an entire stairwell, vigorously fiddling with his crotch, it is in everyone's best interest that he simply be left alone.
To the guy in the stall next to me who's "attempting" to sit down...what's with all the TP? Are you a germaphobe or are you trying to build a freaking NEST?!
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11-02-2010 10:54
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the font smaller, or am I on acid??
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11-03-2010 22:56 by MikeM
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Why do paper towel dispensers in public restrooms give you just enough to keep your hands slightly damp?
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11-09-2010 13:57
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Look, if we get caught, just act like we don't speak English. Ok?
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12-03-2010 09:06
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In a meeting: "Let me reiterate what was just said" can be translated to "I have nothing productive to add but I like the sound of my own voice and think I'm important so I think I need to waste 5 more minutes of all your days"
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12-08-2010 11:27 by Stragen
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Wants to find something else for my dryer to eat besides one of every sock.
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06-29-2010 03:11 by Corey C
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ya ever notcie that the most comfortable one can be in bed is always one minute before you have to get up?
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07-09-2010 16:23 by Yaj
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If you're starting a sentence with "not to sound like a b*tch," guess what you're going to sound like...
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07-30-2010 14:54
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