Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 521 of 6385
My hubby is on suicide watch ... All because I reminded him that we vowed to be together 'Til Death do us part'!
←Rate |
01-30-2012 17:41 by Dani
Comments (0)
Regardless of how much it snows...there is always a guy trying to drive around in his no-wheel drive camero or mustang
I wear glasses because I like to dramatically remove them to display anger. It was awkward doing that with contact lens...
How come there are never any restrooms in my dreams!
←Rate |
06-05-2011 14:50 by BRian
Comments (0)
10 should be the limit of how many times you can go on Maury looking for your baby daddy... just sayin'
I saw an ad on TV that settles the age old query..."What started the universe, God or The Big Bang?" I come to find out in a 30 second commercial that the Solar System is powered by a Jimmy Dean Sausage Biscuit.
←Rate |
08-20-2011 17:23 by MTQ
Comments (0)
I might have lost the relationship, but I regained myself.
←Rate |
08-23-2011 11:36
Comments (0)
My graduation speech will be, "I'd like to thank google, google & uh.. google..."
when someone posts something like, "In a bad mood. Don't ask!". They actually want you to ask and are looking for attention.
←Rate |
09-07-2011 10:26
Comments (0)
The biggest lie on Facebook: 'status offline'
←Rate |
09-10-2011 22:36 by BEGO
Comments (0)
My ex-wife says that she will dance on my grave. I've now arranged to be buried at sea
←Rate |
02-26-2011 14:19
Comments (0)
Charlie Sheen interview tonight on 20/20...I'm going to get drunk and watch it, it'll make more sense that way.
←Rate |
03-01-2011 11:51
Comments (0)
“Come on, dude. Grow a pear.” - farmer to a barren tree
←Rate |
03-01-2011 13:40 by Aaron
Comments (0)
Hypochondriacs with OCD make the best house keepers.
←Rate |
04-08-2011 08:26
Comments (0)
A concussion? A broken hand? There has to be a PETA member somewhere with a Mike Vick voodoo doll
←Rate |
09-26-2011 05:58 by flinnie
Comments (0)
Bus drivers inwardly laugh at you when they drop you off in the rain.
←Rate |
10-14-2011 15:07 by g0re
Comments (0)
The correct answer to "How are you?" is "Fine." If you ever stray from that dialogue, please know that nobody gives a sh!t.
"I'm open-minded" usually translates into, "My fetish is pretty intense, how weird can yours be?"
←Rate |
07-25-2011 15:28
Comments (0)
The world judges me by the decisions I make… but it never see the options I had to choose from
←Rate |
07-31-2011 16:49
Comments (0)
The slogan for every brand of tequila should be "Tequila... because we understand that sometimes you just need to get f*cked up."
←Rate |
04-19-2011 15:23 by Gman
Comments (0)