Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 498 of 6385
Nice try Folgers... but the best part of waking up is realizing it is your day off and going back to bed.
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02-15-2012 15:47
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I know I'm a few days early but I'll just go ahead and say it, anybody... I mean.. ANYBODY who says "see you next year" on New Years eve to me is getting punched in the face. FYI
Kim Kardashian is back on the black Market.
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01-08-2012 14:03
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10 million people share the same birthday as you. Your personalized horoscope means sh!t.
"Bros before hoes" sounds like something a bro without a hoe would say.
I don't make typos...I make new words
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11-20-2011 22:17 by migasjoe
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Every woman is beautiful in her own unique way. Sometimes it just takes the right amount of alcohol to see it.
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12-12-2011 12:45 by Czovczov
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My day starts backwards... I wake up tired and I go to bed wide awake.
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06-05-2012 22:09 by BEGO
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When I die I want to be be reincarnated as a spider. Just so I can finally hear a women say "Oh my God, it's huge!"
It's depressing to think how much more Dora the Explorer has seen and done in her life compared to mine.
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05-25-2012 10:38 by SEAN
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If I’ve learned anything from these ghost hunter shows, it’s that everyone speaks English after they die
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08-23-2014 06:28 by Huck
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Now if we could just introduce Ebola to ISIS.......
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09-13-2014 11:40
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I put an "EBOLA QUARANTINE" sticker on my front door and now we don't have problems with salesmen, thieves, or neighbors.
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10-27-2014 20:58 by Mike
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I am so confused. My boss just said "keep up the good work" and I have no recollection of doing any such work.
I hit a coyote with my car on the way to work this morning. I tried to miss it but it was going to fast. It might have had something to do with that ACME rocket strapped to his back
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01-28-2011 09:39 by scottyp
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wondering, how many rich people in Nigeria is there? Cause every day, according to my emails, at least 5 die & want to leave me their money...
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02-08-2011 19:02 by Mile
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Kinda feels weird when your computer asks if you'd like to continue unprotected....
Trust is the most important part of a relationship. You must be 100% sure that she wont tell your wife!!!
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09-24-2011 05:07
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The way I feel when a waiter finally brings my food is probably similar to the excitement of a dude on Maury who just got told he's not the father.
I bet you $567.89 you can't guess how much I owe my bookie.