Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 456 of 6384
Seriously someone has to teach Cupid how to shoot straight
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10-28-2010 16:22 by inezt
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if being apathetic is wrong, then I don't care...
Fruit snacks should just be sold in buckets, to hell with these little packets.
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11-10-2010 22:49
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Remember when people would literally get mad at you if you didn't put them in your top 8 friends on Myspace?
On Thanksgiving, I always like to pretend, as I'm driving down empty roads and parking lots, that I lived through a zombie apocalypse.
Our parents would tell us when they were young they had to walk to school uphill both ways! Nowadays I tell my kids when I was young I used to play outside!
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12-01-2010 12:29 by Xerxes910
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"Bacon is meat candy."
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12-03-2010 17:36 by ff1241
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snooze button, becuase all I need after 8 hours of sleep, is a nap
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12-07-2010 21:36
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Santa calls me a Ho three times when he sees me. Like he knows me or somethin...
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12-08-2010 16:59 by @Torren_T
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wishes I had a stunt double to get me through the rest of this day.
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04-12-2010 21:24 by Brades
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If you assign numerical values to each letter of the alphabet, in order, (A=1 and Z=26) you will find that hard work gives you 98%, but bullsh!t gives you 103%. Math does not lie.
Today I tried the whole Yahoo vs Google thing. I typed "Why is there." Yahoo gave me "Why is there fuzz on a tennis ball" and Google gave me "Why is there a drunk Chinese man doing push ups on my front lawn." Google wins yet again
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05-23-2010 12:29 by Joser
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Dad, this Father's Day, allow me to point out that none of my messes cost 20 billion dollars to clean up.
- I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste!
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04-13-2011 19:59
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It feels like my entire generation can be summed up in six words from a Nirvana song: Here we are now, entertain us.
Its taken me 20 some odd years to figure out who was the favorite child, until I went to my moms basement last week and found a box labled Sean's bath toys- It was a radio and toaster..
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05-06-2011 08:12 by SEAN
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Don't be Jealous of Me... If you had to walk a mile in my shoes you'd probably need year of therapy.
Before you judge people, make sure you're better than them, or at least you're not one of them.
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05-09-2011 16:57
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I can't hear you, so I'll just laugh and hope it wasn't a question
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05-12-2011 23:20 by BEGO
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I see flies everywhere but the second I grab the fly swatter, they turn into ninjas.