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Uh-oh. My guardian angel just enrolled in the witness protection program.
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08-12-2012 13:00 by
minnie haha
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I do this thing where I suddenly become visible to people only when they need me.
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08-18-2012 13:44
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If I wasn't so addicted to food and shelter I would quit this lousy job.
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08-30-2012 10:45
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Relationships are all about finding someone that works opposite hours than you so you never have to see them.
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08-31-2012 10:45
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Cops never say "Thanks for committing crimes and keeping us employed." It's just plain selfish!
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04-14-2010 21:12 by
Marshall the Great
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sometimes I think something and I'm like, "that would be a good Facebook Status update." This is not one of those.
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04-25-2010 01:02 by
paulb808
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My doctor asked me if I drank to excess. I told him I would drink to anything.
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04-29-2010 16:42
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hippies want to save the trees, but they love to read books
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05-18-2010 20:03
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thinks sleep is for people without Internet access.
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05-19-2010 23:55 by
RON
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If he were alive today, he'd turn over in his grave.
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05-24-2010 14:16 by
Aaron
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wishes his sandwich would look like the damn picture for once.
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05-30-2010 00:48
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sorry I ignored your text yesterday, but did you really want me to reply to it with "I don't feel like texting you right now" anyway?
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06-15-2010 01:06 by
some guy
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It's time to do some stuff around the house. Sit around it... walk around it... lie around it...
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08-26-2010 22:12 by
Aaron
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When I'm done using a unisex bathroom I leave the seat halfway up....never know who is coming in after me
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09-05-2010 09:59 by
JMc
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remembering the days when cell phones were used for making phone calls.
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09-05-2010 16:58
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I've adopted a highway. Well, technically, I just drive like I own it.
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09-10-2010 13:15
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Do all your FACEBBOOK "friends" want to be your friend or just want to be snooping in your business??? Just sayin....
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09-19-2010 22:58
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believes dinosaurs were made up by the CIA to discourage time travel.
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09-23-2010 21:46 by
MikeM
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The movie "The Social Network" about facebook earned 9 million dollars in sales Friday night to top all movies. Imagine what they could have done if those veiwers had dates!
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10-02-2010 14:22 by
Jeff
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Just entered hour nine of an overly-dramatic sigh.
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10-07-2010 11:22 by
Aaron
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