Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Heading out to do laundry with a roll of quarters in my pocket. I hope I dont run into anyone I am happy to see.

   Hoarders is on tonite. I like that show because it makes me feel like I'm tidy

   just read about that student who had sex with his teacher....he died from high-fives.

   On the road to my Happy Place. Too bad it is jammed with traffic.

   I used to have no life. Now I have a laptop and Facebook!

   Your girlfriend should get an Oscar for all that acting she does in the bedroom.

   Don't be sad, don't be blue, frankenstein was ugly too!

   thinks cocaine is a good way of telling you that you make too much money.

   might be addicted to eBay considering he just spent 6 hours trying to burn the face of Jesus into his toast.

   The problem with being young is sometimes we don't stop to think, the problem with getter older is sometimes we forget what we were thinking about.

   .....So people wanna live in "Avatar" world...wtf? Have they not seen "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate factory"?

   Procrastination has it's good side. You always have something to do tomorrow.

   Every once in a brownish-purple moon, I worry that I might be colorblind.

   ever noticed on sponge bob that krusty crab is in bikini bottom...?

   if you're not part of the solution, then you are part of the problem

   'GO GREEN AND USE BOTH SIDES OF THE TOLIET ROLL'

   Sticks an stones will break my bones, but This Shovel will knock you the F*ck out!!

   passed a homeless guy on the way to the Coinstar machine today. "Sorry, I have no change"...man was that awkward.....

   Congrats to Obama for his Oscar win for best acting by a Politician last night ! !

   congrats to obama's teleprompter on its best supporting win at the oscars last night