Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   You can't tell me to do that. It's like telling the NWA to stop being black.

   If I had to do it all over again, I'd have studied in school...OR tucked it like lady gaga and snorted everything like charlie sheen...society makes the ladder more appealing....

   A wise monkey never monkeys with another monkey's monkey!

   Women. You can't live with 'em, and yet they're everywhere.

   Dear people: Stop drunk texting. Sincerely, Cell Phone Companies

   I started a new job, Going good so far, Working as a comedian in an old folks home, I tell them jokes, They don't understand me,They still piss themselves...

   Everyday I think people can't get any more stupid and pretty much everyday I'm proven horribly wrong!

   Dear cellphone companies: please invent a "unsend my text" option

   An Interior Designer - who assures her "once it's inside, you will love it!"

   (beep) (beep) (beep) You have reached a status that has been disconnected or is no longer in service. I you feel this message is an error, please log off and try your comment again. Thank You.

   The secret to a great relationship...Argue Naked!

   " Hey ,Skinny jeans aren't for men" Sincerely, Your Balls.

   Don't do drugs kids. There is a time and place for everything. It's called college.

   Actually, every picture you have is from when you were younger.

   Solution to two of the world's problems: Feed the homeless to the hungry.

   thinks some people wake up and eat a massive bowl of stupid for breakfast everyday!

   So I was at the park flying my kite and this random guy came up to me and said "You flying a kite?" I replied "Nah I'm fishing for birds"

   I just seen someone dressed as the Statue of Liberty running down the road being chased by a Rottweiler..... Today is off to a great start!!!

   Just remember if the world didnt suck, we'd all fall off

   BBC News: AMERICA TO SEND 2 NUCLEAR EXPERTS TO JAPAN. The last time they sent "Nuclear Experts" to Japan, they killed 105,000 people...