Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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What wine goes well with 16 Advil? 
why as a man would you tell a woman, your welcome on mothers day ... for malin this day possible like we dont get our own holiday called fathers day you silly guy
Turns out, I have a 4.6 billion year old sun... I am gonna see him tomorrow morning.. wow amazing
Happy Mother's Day to all the teen moms who just released a back door p0rn video this week.
It's been a good Mothers Day only negative is mom didn't finish the 7 pound omelette challenge so she had to pay for breakfast.
Over 12 people shot at a Mothers Day parade in New Orleans today. Such a messed up world we live in.
I feel sorry for my poor dog today. He is really sad :-( He wanted to spend Mothers Day with his Mom, but he doesn't know where that bit ch is.
After 31 free samples,, I decided I wasn't really in the mood for Baskin Robins
Today's the perfect day for ribs and Salsa music.
Just throw a J in front of the KKK and no one will take them serious.
I am as nervous as Oscar Pistorius's mother on Mother's Day.
To all the Moms: "Happy Mothers Day"! And to all the Dads: "Happy Sunday.. Mother Fu€Kers"!!
Long distance relationships are great cuz you get to date other people in the interim.
Women! They assume everything but the position.
I love how my George Foreman Grill separates the grease and fat, so I have something to dip my burger in.
Everyone is a professional runner when I'm chasing them on the sidewalk with my car.
My ex-girlfriend gave me the sweetest birthday card, sure it was a restraining order but it's the thought that counts.
Karma= the joy of watching someone get what they deserve. Professionalism= the ability to sit back,enjoy the show and keep your mouth shut.
"When I'm done sh*tting on your car I'm going to watch your wife undress through the window" - Birds
apparently my wife and I weren't on the same page with what she wanted for Mother's Day. Who knew there was more than one kind of "facial"? 