Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
the secret to my success was knowing who to blame for my failures... 
I'm sorry, but since when did an unmarried minority couple naming their baby something stupid become news?
I can see it now, Kanye in the future with 3 kids calling them down for dinner ---> "Ayo North West?!! get yo lil brotha South East, and yo sis South West down her. Daddy's home is time for dinner ya heard!!"
you've got to walk through the door of uncertainty in order to get your punishment or reward,depending on how you look at it....
Women who think the way to a man's heart is thru his stomach are aiming too high... jest saying
if any body needs me I will be over here waiting for football season
pick a number from 1 to 10 and add it to your age....think of a colour and clodse your eyes...................................dark isn't it?
You cannot be ugly and be rude and antisocial and mysterious and get away with it. That type of behavior is for hot people.
Facebook's adding hashtags and Instagram's adding videos. Go home you two, you're drunk.
It's not hard to tell girls apart from women. Do her eyes sometimes glow red? Does she say sh*t like "YOUR SOUL IS MINE"? That's a woman.
At some point, you're gonna be naked. I wanna be there when it happens. Even if it means staying in this closet for another 12 hours.
I'm a gentlemen. I'll hold the door open. Help carry groceries. Tip you for a good bj. Buy you dinner if you let me finish in your ass.
"Yesterdays history, tomorrows a mystery, and today is Friday"
I'm white, but not "know where my father is" white.
Why not just call her NORTH POLE because following in the footsteps of her mother KIM she is destined to be a stripper.
"I want you to know what I'm saying, without having to actually say it." - Women.
It was sooo cold last night I had to use 2 laptops and 3 tablets just to keep warm! Camping is hard.
It's not like I think money buys happiness. I just doubt I'd be happy without it.
Jenga is a great way to teach your kids about strategy, patience and 9/11
James Gandolfini is dead and we have a new Kardashian. Athiests win....there is no god... 