Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   ...The top ten reasons to procrastinate. 1.

   Happy 40th Birthday Sesame Street... Thanks for all the good times...

   chuck you farley, you ain't so mucking futch, your whole fam damily can go in your own jack yard and back off!

   There was a near tragedy at my local shopping centre recently. A power cut left four blondes stranded on an escalator for almost five hours.

   color blind and trying to solve a rubiks cube… This could take a while…

   coloring on your wall! ((̲̅ ̲̅(̲̅C̲̅r̲̅a̲̅y̲̅o̲̅l̲̲̅̅a̲̅( ̲̅̅((>

   ♪ ılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılı ♪ + OUT, with your, B===D + OUT!

   Thinks Time Is Precious....Use It Wisely...

   *confetti falls* DING! DING! DING! *audience cheers* *in my gameshow host voice* COOOOONGRATULATIONS! YOU'RE THE 1000th PERSON TO MENTION THE FACT THAT IT'S FRIDAY IN YOUR STATUS. JERRY, TELL 'EM WHAT THEY'VE WON! *door opens* ABBBBBBSOLUTELY NOTHING!!!!

   On Dasher, On Dancer, On Prancer, On VISA!!! Christmas shopping time.

   Why did the blonde tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? So she didnt wake the sleeping pills.

   playing stupid and winning !

   laughing at an old dude tryin to cross the street ,,,

   Today, I made fun of my friend when she tripped over the curb. I said loudly "haha you can't even walk" I then noticed the man in the wheelchair a few feet ahead of us. FML

   I asked my psychiatrist the other day if she thought I was crazy. She said, "No", so I put the flamethrower down.

   A kiss is a lovely trick, designed by nature, to stop words when speech becomes superficial.

   I'm not Bipolar-I don't even like bears

   I think once I get past the restraining orders and the court dates and the stalking charges....I really think this relationship can work!!!!

   It recently became apparent to me that the letters 'T' and 'G' are far too close together on a keyboard. This is why I'll never be ending an e-mail with the phrase "Regards" ever again

   TEIAM - problem solved