Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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The other day I phoned my local pizza delivery firm and asked for a thin and crusty supreme.They sent me Diana Ross 
Mickey Mouse is now 81 years old. He's now the oldest rodent in show business, unless you count that thing on Donald Trump's head.
not spoiled...... I deserve all my stuff.
lets play carpenter, first we get hammerd, then I nail you!
wondering since Ben & Jerrys came out with Hubby Hubby ice cream for gays, when they gonna make Carpet Munch Crunch ice cream for all the hot lesbians?
Extends his rear out to anyone who wants to see New Moon
Blue Moon > New Moon...
not suitable for all audiences...contains bad language from the start and scenes of a sexual nature
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%. It's called Wedding Cake.
YOU HAVE BEEN TAGGED: Send this status message to 10 people and your luck will not change what so ever....
with your cousin.... in your bed...using your video camera
don't go for looks; looks can deceive. don't go for wealth; that can fade. go for the one who puts a smile on your face because a smile can make a dark day seem bright
thinks that you're depriving a village somewhere of an idiot
on an alcohol free diet. so far i've lost three days
Friendship is like peeing in your pants. Everyone can see it, but only you can feel it. Thanks for being the pee in my pants. : )
maturity is knowing when and where to be immature...
wonders if vegetarians can eat animal crackers.
So, the officer did not think it was funny when I hung my a** out of the car window at the movie theater and shouted "Check this new moon out"!
Just call her the Carpenter's Special: flat as a board and never been nailed.
says Remember: Sometimes you just have to step back, take a deep breath, give yourself a shake, and blow off the top of your head with Dad's old shotgun. 