Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Waves hand " This is not the Facebook Profile you want."

   Sometimes you feel like a nut. And sometimes you feel that the men in white coats are just overreacting.

   santa just touched my no no spot. :(

   A Lion Would Never Cheat on His Wife, But a Tiger Wood !!!

   If a Dog Sniffs Your A*s, You're Probably a Bit*h

   Here's a warning. If I'm really sick and I say "I gotta yak", it doesn't mean that there's a longhaired buffalo living in my backyard

   logged into your facebook account and starting fights with everyone on mafia wars...

   just hacked into your facebook account and admitted to all your friends that you have a serious drug problem and need an intervention ASAP!

   logged into your facebook account and sending friend requests to transexuals

   thinks the most used sexual position amoung married couples is doggy style, the husband sits and begs and the wife rolls over and plays dead.

   Okay people, if you are driving a small car, and are not towing a trailer or driving a semi; you have no business coming into the left lane to negotiate a right turn

   How to eat an Oreo: First you twist it...... Oh it broke...

   logged into your facebook account and rearanging your farm!

   If money grows on trees, I wanna be in the shade.

   People need to pay up..im not a money tree, and I dont work for free.

   I actually saw some video of where I was when I went to Haiti and the sad thing was not much had changed.

   only going to marry a very old man with a very bad cough...

   (RAH)² (AH)³ + [ROMA (1+MA)] + (GA)² + (OOH)(LA)²

   Bartending at the Betty Ford Clinic

   Women who chase after younger men are called "Cougars" whereas men who chase after younger women are called "Men".