Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   An unemployed clown is nobody's fool.

   I did not celebrate Valentines Day but instead chose to celebrate the Chinese New Year... and its the year of the Tiger and my god what a year it has been for the man!!

   So its ok to have a movie called "White Men Can't Jump" but its wrong to make a movie called "Black Man Can't Swim" SOCIETY SUCKS!!!!!!

   If I break up with you Why say I wont find anyone else like you If I wanted someone like you I wouldnt Break up with you

   Happy Chinese New year!! It is the year of the Tiger. I can think of one Tiger who isn't having a good year.

   applied for a job at Hooter's today. The manager handed me a bra and said, "Here, fill this out."

   To the people I forgot, you weren`t on my mind for some reason and you probably don`t deserve any thanks anyway.

   Sign in Bar: "Low-cut blouses are looked down upon in this establishment."

   I didn't know NASCAR contracted IDOT to patch the racetracks! I knew the quality of that patch looked familiar

   Valentine's Day ends tomorrow..so dont forget to wake me up!!!

   England: The country where Pizza gets to your house quicker than the Police

   - Of course, the great thing about tomorrow is that all of those heart shaped Russell Stover's and Whitman's sampler boxes will be 50% off.

   CONFUCIUS SAYS: "Wife who put husband in dog house soon find him in cat house." hehehe!!!!!!

   It's mind over matter. I don't mind because you don't matter.

   What I want, I get. If I didn't get it, then maybe I didn't really want it.

   One good thing about music. When it hits you, you feel no pain.

   it just me or is Beyoncé singing "Halo" with the line, "remember those Walls I built, well baby they tumbling down". Slightly inappropriate for the Haiti EARTHQUAKE appeal!!!!

   feels sorry for his girlfriend on days like Valentine's. It's quite difficult not to be with the wife all day.

   ive just booked a table for me and the missus for valentines day, should be a nice surprise, dont think shes played snooker before

   Happy run out and spend money you don't have on things you wouldn't otherwise buy to prove you love someone who if they need things bought for them to prove you love them probably shows they don't truly love you anyway day!