Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   nothing like a bowl of choclate icecream to soothe a sore throat

   Fending off spidermonkeys with a stick

   Be the fruit loop in the cherrios of lives

   A lion would never cheat on his wife, but a tiger wood.

   was thinking about starting a facebook addiction group, but wouldn't that be like starting an alcoholics annonymous at a bar?

   It's amazing how many beautiful women walk into your life the week before you get married.

   I made my man an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he...

   Have you ever watched birds and wondered: "If I could fly who would I crap on first?"

   thinks that life was a lot simpler when I thought girls had cooties, and getting to the bottom of the sandbox was a good day.

   Perforation is a rip-off!

   Smith & Wesson - The first point-and-click interface?

   accidentally swallowed some food colouring yesterday. The doctor says I'm OK, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside.

   wonders... How do crazy people go through the forest?They take the psycho path.

   A girl is always RIGHT....Just sometimes confused, misinformed, rude, stubborn, senseless, unchangeable, and even downright stupid but not WRONG.

   had breakfast in bed. Two rolls and a turnover.

   One good turn... gets all the blankets.

   if you want to kill a circus act, you've got to go for the juggler.

   Income tax-time is when you test your powers of deduction.

   performed Plastic Surgery today: I was cutting up all your credit cards.

   My church accepts any denomination. But they prefer tens and twenties.