Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   A good friend is like a computer. He ENTERS your life, SAVES you in his heart, FORMATS your problem, and never DELETES you from his MEMORY

   wondering, Just how do I get in contact with Paul the octopus during football season?

   cellphones always killin the mood. chick texted "your ducking sexy".. sigh. so I responded "your spelling makes me think your on quack"

   It is now legal to carry concealed weapons in church in Louisiana. I'm thinking that confession just got a LOT more interesting.

   ‎is So,.. Just in case all Hell does freeze over, What's your Number?"

   congrats to spain for winning the Triwizard Cup or whatever...

   That's not a bald spot on top of my head! It's a solar panel for my love machine ;-)

   711 stores are the real version of the Kwik-E-Mart from the Simpsons...true story, I saw Apu working just this morning.

   I have a chef and a dentist here. You realize what this means right? We can finally clear up the confusion over the origin of tartar sauce!

   The Netherlands known for "total footbal" more like "brutal football"!

   likes how YouTube has gone from a video watching site to a music listing site.

   Paul the Octopus just got hired by the CIA ...

   PAUL the octopus is correct yet again!!! Spain are the crowned Champions!

   The octopus PAUL has predicted it correct yet again. Spain are the Champions. I need to meet this PAUL and ask him to select which girl should I Propose to. It's time I settle for one girl, having 3 girlfriends Sucks bigtime!!

   Lady, there is a differnece between "Love Handles" and "Tail Lights"

   efore deciding whether you will stay up all night, you should sleep on it.

   Hangovers are for people foolish enough to stop drinking.

   Iron man is a superhero...iron woman is a command

   Holy $hit look at Steve Stricker go! If I'm ever golfing and I say I'm at -26, thats not my score, it's how many balls Iost!

   Papers - Bowl - Crusher = TIN FOIL N FINERS.