Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Well.... If this snow fall is the weathermans idea of 7 inches- I bet his wife is a very disappointed woman................

   You know it's true love when you ask her what she is thinking about and she says "SEX" and you reply "Me too".

   men really don't want their minds blown...

   to you it's a 6 pack... to me.... it's a support group

   She tried keeping up with the Kardashians, but now it burns when she pees.

   This girl seems like the kind of person who uses a lot of hand gestures when she's talking to her gynecologist on the phone.

   it's so annoying when the person you're talking to goes on and on and on and on and on and on...

   Everybody's got their own aIcohol they won't ever touch again because of an awful teenage experience

   If Oscar Pistorius was born without arms instead of born without legs, this whole thing would of never happened...

   There's no such thing as a Chubby "Chaser"...chubby folks can't run very fast.

   The sigh of relief when you realize the song playing is "Under Pressure" not "Ice Ice Baby"

   First, there was planking, then owling and milking, now there's Harlem Shaking. If the next trend could be thinking, that would be great.

   Since they never showed Cheetara licking her a sshole, I highly doubt she was 100% Thundercat.

   I bet Alicia Keys was never even on Fire. Lying Heifer.

   I just assume that everything in a gas station bathroom is coated in a thin layer of HIV.

   Ladies, check your man's balls for lumps...you could save a life.

   Why are you all so excited it's Friday? Monday will be here in 5 minutes.

   Let’s argue about the little things that don’t matter so we can avoid the big things that do.

   Apparently drinking those Screwdrivers last night didn’t tighten any of the loose screws in my head

   Keep your fancy milkshake and a yard, my chloroform and a dark basement are way more efficient.