Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I bought myself a shiny new toy that goes from zero to 215 in just three seconds......L.E.D bathroom scales! ツ

   Telling someone that you're going to bed, When you're actually not, and then having to hold back from posting things on Facebook/Twitter.

   I just told a women she had an Hour Glass shape and I wanted to play in the sand.. Still single.....:(

   I tried acting like a responsible adult at work all day yesterday but they sent me home sick

   ever notice how a newborn is like a pothead..."whoa, look at my hand...it has fingers"

   I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and sh!t a better argument then that!!

   now that the NBA is back in action, it gives black guys a chance to dribble on something other than Lisa Lampanelli

   So lets be clear ...we have the McRib, Kim Kardashian is single and the NBA is back? Black Guys are winning.........

   Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

   When my life flashes before my eyes, I hope it's not the special extended edition with all the deleted scenes I've blocked from my memory.

   Now that Black Friday is over, wonder if Mexican Saturday means things are free??

   If you guys were at a bar right now I'd burst through the door & say "Drinks are on me!" Then I'd go to the bathroom & climb out the window.

   I hate it when the people who owe me money post about how much they bought on Black Friday

   Looks like we'll get another year of Lebron James choking.

   What do you get if you cross the Queen and Prince Phillip?

   I am thankful for Facebook for it has made my life as a stalker a whole lot easier. Gone are the days of standing in the dark, in the rain behind some bushes and providing free meal for mosquitoes no to mention restrain orders.

   Twilight did to vampires what Brokeback Mountain did to cowboys.

   If you want her to treat you nice, first you have to treat her right.

   Dear KFC, Why are all the people in your commercials thin? Sincerely, highly suspect.

   Happy Bella - •_• Sad Bella - •_• Excited Bella - •_• Angry Bella - •_• Shocked Bella - •_• Confused Bella - •_• - Twilight