Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   Facebook will soon become the world's leading source of unwanted information about people's New Year's resolutions.

   Greeting cards are for people who mean every word someone else said.

   awkward moment: browsing Facebook friend suggestions and seeing people you used to be friends with who have unfriended you... Hey, you asked me!!!

   The "Like" button is the new red AIDS ribbon. It allows people to feel like they're being supportive without having to actually do anything.

   Naps are for old people. I was taking a horizontal life pause. :)

   My drunk neighbor says he was attacked by a big bat last night but I was actually using a golf club.

   People who describe things as "better than sex" are obviously having the wrong kind of sex.

   I think it's really strange how some people talk to their animals, give them personalities and make up voices for them. My dog, Steve, agrees with me.

   I like getting drunk because I love it when the whole world revolves around me.

   Silence is Golden, but telling some people to go f themselves is PRICELESS...!

   Sometimes, you have to realize that some people can stay in your heart, but not in your life.

   There are a few people I'd like to go to bed with but I can't think of a single person I'd like to wake up with. Too honest?

   I don't know why people get embarrassed when they take a magazine to the toilet, you should see the looks I get when I take my plunger.

   You can't deny chemistry. Some people just belong together...you know, like flies and shi t.

   Most people need a reason to drink, I need a reason not to drink.

   I have seen people like you before, but I had to pay admission.

   “I'm an adult! I can do whatever the hell I want.” No, not you married people. Sit back down. You're just being silly now.

   Seriously, if Liam Neeson was my dad I'd start so much crap with people...

   I'm glad people are exercising but I want to see cooler activities posted on FB. Like "I spent 1 hour wrestling a bear. 110 calories burned."

   If I ever sound inspriational, one of us is drunk.