Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 406 of 6385
FB friends, no one gives a ratsass what concerts you went to...
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04-27-2017 12:22
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It's probably called almond milk because nut juice doesn't sound as enticing..
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07-13-2017 09:12 by Yaj
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Harvey Weinstein is a woman hating jerk. I hope he never makes another dime again.
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10-09-2017 15:50
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Elizabeth and Bernie have both been in Washington for like 50 years so why haven't they fixed the tax codes yet?
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11-04-2019 12:37
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Sometimes the problem with reality is the lack of background music.
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03-20-2012 20:34 by migasjoe
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most pirates get their eye patches just a little while after they get their hooks
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03-28-2012 21:58
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I hate those unrealistic movies...you know, the ones where men are friends with women.
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03-29-2012 06:56
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Kim Kardashian dating Kanye? The only thing bigger than Kim's ass is Kanye's ego. They must balance each other out.
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04-05-2012 22:17
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Today is National Stalking Awareness Day. Feels like it should be posted on Facebook.
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04-18-2012 09:51
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I alternate between cautious optimism and reckless pessimism.
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02-02-2012 04:45 by flinnie
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Haters will broadcast your failure, but whisper your success.
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02-23-2012 21:50 by BEGO
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They say the world is going to end this year. C'mon now, these fools can barely predict the weather.
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02-24-2012 11:49
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everyone knows that 1 person who never laughs...i'm drawn to them like a moth to a flame, jus to make their lives a living hell
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02-24-2012 12:12
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‘Dog Whisperer' host finalizes divorce, must pay ex-wife $23,000 a month. I didnt know you can make so much money whispering to dogs,, I whisper to mine and she just looks at me
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04-22-2012 09:17
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I planted something on Earth Day... My ass in my recliner for the day!
I don't even know why I look in the back seat of my car when I get in at night.Like the killer is going to scream 'Oh crap! you saw me, retreat!
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04-27-2012 12:38
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Being right isn't nearly as important as knowing when to shut the hell up.
Yes, you are entitled to your opinion. Why you insist on being wrong is beyond me, but go nuts with it.
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05-23-2012 09:35 by flinnie
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The fact that you don't find me amazing doesn't bother me at all, it just confirms what I have suspected all along; that you have bad taste.
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11-28-2011 10:40
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Ladies: Don't be mad he can't take a hint; be mad that you are dating an idiot.
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11-29-2011 00:09
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