love Funny Status Messages

   I love the taste of water, especially frozen into cubes and completely surrounded by vodka.

   You said you love spending time with your children. School Snow Days determined that was a lie.

   Heading to the polls to vote for the fifth time this week!!!!...... God I love living in the state of Florida!!!!

   if you're feeling down about your love life, remember that salmon swim hundreds of miles upstream to jack-off on a pile of eggs and die

   We love taking our boys to adventure parks. It's a great way to spend $800 to listen to them complain about the weather and about how much they hate to stand in line.

   To all my friends having a identity crisis, I love you, and you know who you are, I think?

   “I love you but I don’t trust you,” I say to my dog as I put cheese and crackers on the table.

   I don't care what you say about Zombies. Zombies love you for your brain, not your beauty.

   love is out there, kinda like the zodiac killer is still out there too, so good luck.

   Me: You have a horrible memory ... Wife: Well, I guess that's why I still love you.

   So I just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God I love my boobs.

   I love a Thanksgiving turkey... it's the only time in Los Angeles that you see natural breasts.

   "Marriage" - Betting someone half your sh!t that you'll love them forever

   If someone says "I love you," and you don't feel the same way, say "I love Youtube" really fast.

   I love Halloween because it's the only night of the year I may end up getting drunk with Batman and going home with a cheerleader.

   I love when people cut me off because they're in a rush, then I pull up next to them at the same red light.

   thinks God will still love me if I don't annoy 15 of my friends with some stupid chain email.

   If you like to make love while listening to music, always choose a live album. That way you'll get an applause every 3 to 4 minutes.

   I would love to kill you with kindness,but all I have is this knife.

   So many people fall in love with the wrong person, simply b/c the wrong person will often say all the right things.