Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   i hate when people steal my ideas and post them before I think of them

   It's kind of cool how khaki Dockers and ugly people found each other

   Trying to understand some people is like trying to pick up a turd by the clean end!!!

   My motto is "Never say never." Which makes it difficult to tell people my motto...

   Jogging is too much work, walking is too slow, I'm gonna take up skipping. When people see me coming down the sidewalk, I'm pretty sure they'll make an extra effort to move out of the way.

   Why do people ask "What were you thinking?" OBVIOUSLY, I thought I was going to get AWAY with it!

   I tried holding the door open for a woman at the coffee shop this morning but she just kept yelling "close the door, I'm trying to pee in here!!". Some people are so ungrateful

   People are so weird. You reach under the bathroom stall to tie their shoes and they freak out instead of saying thanks.

   I don't understand why people have to "get ready" for bed....I'm always ready for bed.

   Muffins – for people who don’t have the guts to order cake for breakfast.

   My life is a movie. One of those movies where most of the people start leaving right in the middle of it.

   In 10 years time people who currently like Miley, Bieber, Lady Gaga and One Direction will make decisions about your health care. Sleep well.

   Ever notice how unaware people are of the world around them? No?

   Sometimes I feel like a loser for spending so much time on Facebook. Then I remember there are people out there who comment on pornhub videos

   One thing parenting has taught me- telling a kid they're tired is like telling a drunk person they're drunk. Anger and denial follows

   some people should put professional victim on their resumé

   According to the segment on American Idol's "Idol Gives Back", they just showed $10 was able to purchase 90 lbs of food. Where do these people shop? I can't do that at Wal-Mart, Kroger, or any other place.

   I like you... People say I've got no taste, but I like you...

   Many people are not smart enough to understand their own stupidity

   that moment you wake up from a drunk night and ure scared to look at ur facebook statuses.