Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   To understand paranoid people better, follow them around. Observe them. Write down notes.

   Fun thing to do #26: Stand 20 ft in front of the Walmart greeter and greet people before he gets a chance.

   People are really judgmental. I can tell just by looking at them.

   I hide from people too, so I get it bigfoot, I get it.

   I swear, watching people at a 4-way stop sign is like watching 'Night at the Roxbury.' "Him? Me? Oh Me? Me or Him?"

   Besides the fact that random people are bursting into flames walking down the street, It's beautiful outside!

   I don't know why people say something is better if you work for it. Personally, I love being handed awesome sh*t through no effort of my own.

   Dear news people, stop trying to pronounce Eyjafjallajokull, you are all sounding like idiots, just call it The Volcano, is way easier...

   Why do people insist on speaking to me? It pretty much never goes well.

   I truly wonder how much better life would be if people were required to fill out a CAPTCHA before breeding.

   some people come to Facebook just to air out their "dirty laundry", others just don't know how to clean it.

   If this phone were really smart, it wouldn't let certain people call me.

   You know you need sleep when you feel drunk without having actually had any alcohol.

   People always say that alcohol kills... but if you think about it .... it causes many births too.

   Does not surprise me that those people abducted by aliens all get brought back.

   I hate it when I hold back on saying something during a conversation because I know it will offend people, and then I see the look on everyone's face and realize I've already said it.

   Sometimes I hang up on people in the middle of my own sentance so they think I lost service...

   Okay...we've seen the 900 pics of your band. Now show us the the three people in your audience.

   Coming home drunk knocking things over and telling them to''shhhh!''

   What scares me most is that some people think I actually know what I’m doing.