Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 281 of 6384
I didn't call you crazy. All I said was, "you look like you might own 400 cats"
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07-05-2010 13:41 by Joser
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You know that button in the elevator with the fireman's hat on it... turns out that is not the button you push if you want a fireman's hat.
Why does toilet paper need a commercial? Who is not buying this?
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03-02-2013 07:30
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I was good at math before they decided to mix the alphabet in it...
Dear Mr underccover police car, I like your 5 extra antennas...
learned a lot about relationships from Super Mario Bros.....sometimes, You have to pound a few Dragons to get to the Princess
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07-30-2009 16:09 by Vitamin N
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I got a mosquito bite last night... Bet that little guy is pretty hungover today.
If you feel a bit lonely, forgotten, or just need someone to cheer you up remember... you can always change your birthday on Facebook
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01-07-2011 22:35 by Dany6814
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When I have children I'm going to make them watch the movie 2012 and tell them I survived that
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09-18-2011 15:26 by Mudda
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Lazy Rule #19401957294710149: you're so lazy you didn't even finish reading the number.
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06-12-2011 23:12 by BEGO
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It's funny how fast you can wake up when you realize you've overslept.
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04-04-2010 20:22
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Never say "maybe" to a kid. All they hear is "I swear on my life that this will definitely happen."
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03-31-2010 14:50
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So I met this prostitute who said she'd do anything for $10. Guess who got his car washed?
There is nothing worse than a broke ass high maintenance woman.
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08-29-2012 10:31
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If a car in front of me is driving slow, I move to the side a little so the cars behind me can see I'm not causing the traffic
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08-21-2012 23:42 by fadolo
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My Chinese waiter put my food down in front of another white guy who looked nothing like me. I get it now.............Wait, That's not my waiter
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03-26-2013 21:58 by snotty
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whomever invented the metal wires, screws and clips that hold kids toys to the cardboard packaging with a vulcan death grip: I HOPE YOU DIE.
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12-26-2009 01:30 by tahirjahi
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The cops came to my house earlier, claiming that my dog had chased someone on a bike. I said "Piss off, my dog doesn't have a bike!"
if you need a friend (text me) need a laugh (call me) need a hug (stop by) need money (this number is no longer in service)
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03-29-2010 16:29
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I like holding the door for people who are far away, you know so they have to run a little.