Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 263 of 6384
I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Microsoft Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my eleven page essay that I swear I didn't make any changes to.!
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10-06-2011 15:57 by Slasher
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We should feed tuna fish mayonnaise, thereby saving a step in the sandwich making process
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10-13-2011 21:51 by smeebert
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You mean to tell me people run? On purpose? When nobody is chasing them?
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10-12-2012 16:12
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Tonight I'm going to have my favorite drink. It's called "a lot."
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10-18-2012 12:54 by Susan
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So when is this 'old enough to know better' suppose to kick in ?
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10-18-2012 13:15 by Baddie
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I will take a boring joke here any day over any more Zimmerman p0sts.
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07-17-2013 12:55
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I'm just gonna let my pillow decide my hairstyle for tomorrow.
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03-28-2013 17:36
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Guys if you ever want to imagine what a woman's mind feels like imagine a browser with 2,859 tabs open. All. The. Time.
I bet Jim Harbaugh used to unplug the Nintendo when his brother was winning.
I have no interest in skydiving. I get enough of an adrenaline rush hoping my debit card goes through.
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04-14-2013 19:25
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Wrestling is obviously fake. Why would two people fight over a belt when neither of them are wearing pants?
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04-19-2013 02:06
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Ever notice it's only "stalking" if the person doing the stalking is unattractive.
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08-29-2012 06:39
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To many Generals are taking orders from their privates
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11-13-2012 12:45
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My boss told me "Dress for the job you want, not the job you have" Am now sat in a disciplinary meeting wearing my Batman costume
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06-19-2012 15:01
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Some people grunt at the gym; I scream at the top of my lungs THEY KILLED MY FAMILY as I lift weights.
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04-23-2012 18:00 by Aaron
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Golf ball sized hail wouldn't be so destructive if we just made golf balls a lot smaller.Do I have to think of everything?!
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05-25-2012 10:38 by SEAN
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8 year old kids today have Facebook, twitter, phones, iPod. When I was there age, I had a coloring book, crayons, chalk, and imagination.
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11-10-2011 19:36 by BEGO
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Ladies: guys don't care if the carpet matches the drapes as long as there is no rug on the back porch.
The AMA does NOT reward talented MUSICIANS for making remarkable music, it rewards ENTERTAINERS for entertaining the easily entertained.
just read that NASA is doing a $10 million dollar study to see if there are any dangers in a woman suffering from PMS to have her mentstrual cycle in zero gravity.... Hell yeah there are dangers. In a weightless enviorment, the physco b!tches can FLY
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05-03-2010 14:40 by acezero
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