Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 226 of 6384
How about adding "Be a nice person" to your bucket list. Any as*hole can jump out of a plane.
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06-27-2012 11:44 by Aaron
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Making a million friends is not a miracle. The miracle is to make a friend who will stand by you when millions are against you.
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02-07-2012 09:07 by XX-FOXY
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Life is full of up's & down's, so UP the music & DOWN the Tequila
My neighbor put up his Christmas lights today. I bet he's pissed that I beat him to it. I put mine up three years ago.
glitter is the herpes of the arts and crafts world! You just can`t get rid of it once its on you
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01-17-2010 02:47
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Pessimism is great, You are either always right or pleasently suprised.
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01-24-2010 18:26 by ANGELA
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I hate it when you hang out with MC Hammer, and he never lets you touch anything
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01-25-2010 22:35
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has heard that love makes the world go round... but so does tequila!
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02-25-2010 19:15 by GirlX
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put my purse on the passenger seat and the passenger seatbelt light came on. Think it's time to clean out my purse??
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03-07-2010 17:58
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such a beautiful day, not a sky in the clouds!!
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03-25-2010 13:58
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a little voice inside of me that telling me to lose weight. I just shut him up with about 4 cookies.
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03-30-2010 08:01
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Dogs have it good. No one ever wraps my pills in thin sliced roast beef.
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07-15-2015 15:30
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Don't forget to cut me off so you can be the first person to the red light.
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09-23-2015 22:52 by Zinc
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They should put Prince on the $20 bill and call it $19.99... It's "The bill formerly known as a twenty."
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04-24-2016 15:18 by eengrms
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can operate a robot on another planet, but yet I'm still struggling to get this vending machine to take my wrinkled dollar.
According to the customer service, the cable guy should be here sometime between 10:00 a.m. and the return of Christ.
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10-19-2013 09:57 by griff
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When attacked by a bear, play dead. Make his meal less stressful. It's not all about you.
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06-27-2014 14:15 by Baddie
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You're on Facebook on a Saturday night talking about how hard you're partying. But there's a problem... You're on Facebook on a Saturday night talking about how hard you're partying. You're not fooling anyone.
According to astronomy, whenever you wish upon a star, you're actually a few million years late. The star is dead. Just like your dreams.
Just got back from a vacation in Nevada...turns out that money can by you love.
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08-28-2013 13:00 by M
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