Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   The Pope has now said "there is no Hell". Where am I gonna tell people to go now?

   For some people freedom is like spring animals seeing the light.

   If 4 out of 5 people suffer from diahrea,does that mean 1 enjoys it?

   If you'd asked me to guess which groups would be really into wearing sunglasses, I would not have gotten 'blind people.'

   I'd like to be drunk with power but I've never even been buzzed. I'm like the designated driver of power.

   You haven't really made it until people start using your name as a verb.

   I'm not saying kill all stupid people. I'm saying remove all warning labels from everything. The problem should sort itself out.

   People are so paranoid nowadays. They refuse to answer Knock-Knock jokes until I show some I.D.

   Married people always ask when you’re getting married like they get points for recruiting to their club of misery.

   My life would be so much easier if I wasn’t intelligent enough to realize how freaking stupid some people are.

   The problem with marriage is that it was invented when people only lived to the ripe old age of 30.

   I hate it when I remove myself from around people to fart in peace and they follow me right after I have release a big one.

   Dear Kids, go to College…it’s the only time it’s acceptable to be drunk and poor.

   I often wonder if people think they are invisible when they're picking their nose while they drive, is there some kind of stealth button up there they press. . .

   Apparently a happy wife is a drunk wife.

   Well,,, You don’t see as many people in the third world with a ‘slow metabolism’??,,,, do ya!

   Pants are for people with something to hide.

   The problem with the general public is that it's made up of people.

   Of all the people that ignore me... you're my favorite.

   I know you people can't think everyone that messages you is a bouquet of roses. C'mon...tell people what you REALLY think of them. THAT would be more interesting to read!