Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 140 of 6384
. Fun fact Smokey the bear's original name was Hotfoot Teddy.
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11-12-2018 23:00 by Fun.Fact
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Thanksgiving is the only time a Califorian can see a natural breast.
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11-20-2018 05:19 by Pilgrim
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asked Alexa "why is my wife such a b!@#$" & Alexa replied "id rather not answer" ...these computers really are smart
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12-20-2018 00:08 by Eddy
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If you mess with me, you mess with the whole trailer park!
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12-21-2018 22:57
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A word of advice guys, When a girl says "Aw that's that's very sweet of you" when you ask her out on a date what she's really trying to say is "Back into the friends zone with you!"
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12-27-2018 15:12 by Moon
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Funny how the most romantic gesture you can make nowadays while on a date to show the person your with that your truly interested is done by not looking at your phone.
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12-28-2018 10:50 by Moon
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After owning my phone for almost a year I finally figured out how to make the fonts bigger, which will make walking easier.
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02-06-2019 21:54 by Moon
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Ever notice that Naps are tricky because you either wake up refreshed and relaxed or you have a headache, dry throat, drooling, or unaware of what year you’re in.
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06-11-2019 06:42
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Word of advice guys. When a girl says "Awe thanks, that's so sweet of you" take a hint as what she's really trying to say is "Back to the friendzone with you!"
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06-13-2019 11:36 by Moon
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Just once in my life I'd like to finish a project as easily as they make it seem in the how to YouTube videos.
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06-14-2019 11:49 by Moon
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I asked the Librarian if she had any books about Paranoia? She leaned over and whispered “they’re right behind you ... ”.
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08-14-2019 18:59
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*Eating my third bowl of ice cream* I really thought this Keto diet would be harder.
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08-14-2019 19:02
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I can't wait for Kim Kardashian to get old
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08-19-2019 13:12
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62% of marriage conversation is just spouses stating “I never said that.”
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08-22-2019 15:48
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I’m going to start wearing Summer’s Eve as a cologne. The vast majority of beautiful women seem to be attracted to doouches.
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08-23-2019 06:40
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I got one of those "No Bullying" bracelets. But I didn't pay for it, I took it away from a guy who is smaller and skinnier than I am and then I threw him into a dumpster.
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08-25-2019 13:46
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youtube has completely changed how we handle home repairs. before, if something broke, you had to call a guy and wait for him to fix it. now you can just watch some youtube videos so you're not bored while he fixes it.
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08-25-2019 15:49
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I've been starting my diet tomorrow for the last 20 years.
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08-25-2019 16:17
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i saw a license plate yesterday that said 'i miss new york,' so I smashed their window and stole their radio
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08-25-2019 16:18
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othing is more frightening than accidentally making eye contact with a guy who runs a mall kiosk.
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08-25-2019 16:22
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