Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   It really freaks people out when I use my invisible hula hoop.

   Remember when WWE finally came out and admitted that everything was staged and that it was entertainment... and how crushing it was for people who still thought it was real?... I'm awaiting politicians to make the same announcement...

   Facebook, making people who would’nt talk in the street wish each other Happy Birthday since 2004.

   Has anyone tried biting a zombie to see if they just turn back into people?

   I wonder of the #MeToo movement folks realize that most people born before 1995 see the "#" sign as the "pound"

   There are two types of people in the world. Please stay away from both of them.

   What do people who send out family Christmas cards want from us?

   Before Facebook I had to disappoint people in person

   This year, I’ll be haunting my own house to see if I can scare these people away.

   I have a problem with gingerbread people living in houses made of their flesh, but I promised not to bring it up and ruin Christmas again this year.

   When people say we're in this together! I wonder if they'd mind if I sent them some of my bills until my stimulus check gets here?

   Not trying to brag but I haven’t been around people in days

   The one good thing about an egotist. They don't talk about other people.

   Things Irish people simply won't do on St. Patrick's Day: 1) Drink green beer. 2) Twerk with leprechauns. 3) Spend $40 on dollar store stuff.

   If you say "I'm fine" while squirting a can of whipped cream straight into your mouth, people won't believe you but they will also leave you alone.

   All these people running around with masks on.... Made in China

   People who confuse the word "burro" with "burrow" don't know their ass from a hole in the ground.

   I feel like I'm watching a tv show called "Lockdown Got Talent" because this lockdown has people thinking they're gym instructors, chefs, dancers, etc...

   I used to wonder what it'd be like to read other people's minds, but then I got a Facebook Account and now I'm over it.

   I like to ask people what their sign is and then read them a completely different sign's horoscope just to hear them say "that's so me!"